dare to be stupid

My brother's funeral was all that a fallen soldier's funeral is supposed to be.  It was all extremely dignified and heartbreaking.  We heard that there may be protestors there.  We are grateful to the people who went to the protestors'  hotel room and suggested that they leave town. Don't worry no protestors were hurt in peoples' attempt to get them to leave. We are also thankful that the police made no effort to stop the protestors from running out of town.  It's really hurtful to think that people actually came to town with the intention of protesting my brother's funeral just because they don't believe in this war.  it's a painful time for us and you'd think common sense would tell them to back off.  They have the right to free speach sure but don't they realize that thousands of soldiers died and thousands of families had to go through hell to ensure that they could keep that right.

After the funeral we all went out to eat at a restaurant.  It was a hard day but we all got together and laughed and told stories about my brother. It was nice hearing everyone laugh. It's going to be a long time till we're all ok but at least we are moving in that direction.  

One thing that's come out of all of this is I am much more aware of what is going on in the world and in the media.  It seems to me that every time I turn on the news there's a story about Arabs behaving strangely but it turned out to be a false alarm, foiled terrorist plots, and is your Arab doctor plotting to kill you?  But there are few stories about the good that Arabs do. I'm saying this because one of the men who died alongside my brother was an arab interpreter.  He was born and raised in Morocco and he came here to help support his family.  He joined the army to fight and die for a country that he wasn't even born in.  There aren't any stories out there like that.  Nothing to acknowledge that there are Arabs who are on our side.  It's time that the news starts sharing the whole story.  A story about an Arab fighting for the U.S. may not be as interesting to some as a foiled terrorist plot but it's still important.

All day yesterday people have come to my house to offer their condolences.  I had never seen these people in my life before but they came up to me and hugged me.  I waes very uncomfortable with the whole thing because I don't like crying in front of strangers.  Luckily my best friend came over and spent the afternoon with me when she found out about my brother.  Thank God.  I would've gone insane dealing with these people.  They may mean well but sometimes they make everything harder.  One of the women didn't know whether me or my friend was the grieving sibling.  Like I said they're perfect strangers.  I felt so out of place in my own home.

Today I went to the grocery store I've worked at for the past year and a half.  My brother worked their for three years before I worked there so my coworkers knew both of us pretty well.  I felt so much better at work than I did at my house.  When he worked in that store my brother spent more time at work then he spent at home.  If I wanted to be closer to my brother it would be there.  I talked with my coworkers and a lot of them understood me.  They shared stories about some of the pranks my brother and his friends pulled at work and I laughed.  At my house people would've criticized me for laughing so soon after my brother had been killed, but people at work understood that my brother loved to joke and make people laugh.  Me laughing at his old pranks made me feel closer to him.  

My mom is wailing because she's lost her son and his fiance can't imagine her future without him, but as his sister my grief process is completely different from theirs.  I know I can be ok in the future what I'm focused on is how lucky I was to have my older brother in my life.  Instead of looking to the future like it's a black hole I'm looking to the past and remembering how much my brother has helped me over the years.  I never realized that without my brother I wouldn't be anywhere close to the person I am now.  He always said I should get out more, take more risks.  I think I should take his advice

There is so much I want to do now.  I don't want to waste time being sad when his constant advice to me was to go out and have some fun for once.  If I take his advice I'd have to do all the things I've always wanted to do but was too scared to do.  I want to drive 110 miles an hour down the highway, I want to go skydiving, I want to get a tattoo, I want to dance, laugh, scream, anything.  I want to feel alive.  That's how I want to honor my brother

  It's been a crappy week around here, but today was by far the worst.  Today two men from the army came to our doorstep.  I was sitting by the window and my heart stopped when I saw them  getting out of the car.  In the military no news is good news, a phone call from your loved one is a good sign while a phone call from the army means trouble but they'll most likely be ok, a visit from the army means they're dead.  I sprinted to the door and I was shaking when I openned it.  The army major was also shaking.  I would hate to have his job.  He had to come tell my parents they had lost their only son, tell me I no longer had a brother,  tell his fiance she won't get the wedding she had hopped for.  

My mom broke down and I was still shaking but I made the numerous phone calls that had to be made because my mom couldn't do it.  Then I got dressed and tried to walk out of my house.  I wanted no I needed to get out of that house.  It was stupid but I felt like i just couldn't be there.  I wanted to drive as fast and as far away as possible, as if that would somehow let me out run the truth.  But someone stopped me and I lost it.  I cried and I HATE crying in front of people.  

My brother was killed by an IED  in Iraq and so were two other soldiers as well.  Their families are going through the same thing we are.  Their families got the same visit we did and it sucks.  I know this war has affected so many people, but I guess I thought I would be lucky enough that it would spare us.  My brother has always done stuff that put himself at risk and he was always lucky enough to get through it. I was just praying that his luck would just get him through the next six months.

I was driving today when a Hillary Duff song came on the radio.  Now I have nothing against Hillary as a person but I can not stand her singing.  I think her music is extremely overrated and her singing talent is subpar.  But she was "Lizzie McGuire"  The girl who played Miranda actually had could sing, yet Hillary's name instantly made her a top selling artist despite her lack of singing talent.  These days who cares if you actually can sing as long as you have a famous name.  I get that music producers want huge sales but what about the people who actually have to listen to these people sing.  The radio plays the same tired, cliched, barely half decent songs constantly, and I am sick of it.  

Some other actresses turned singers are Lindsey Lohan and Ashley Simpson.  Both should stick to acting.  Oh and now even Paris Hilton has a record out.  For the love of God make it stop and spare our ears.  I'm looking for some good original music.  I know it's out there. 

I'm still trying to customize my livejournal page but I have managed to name my journal.  *claps and cheers*  The name "Dare to be Stupid" actually came from a Weird Al album.  First I am a huge Weird Al fan.  I absolutely love his parodies of songs.  Since I am a premed major my favorite song is "Like a Surgeon."  My friends and I listen to Weird Al songs on break and we always joke about how I should play that song in my office one day when I have my own practice.  Plus it's just a kick ass name

I saw a post on the feminist forum about the san jose rape case.  The mens basketball team raped a drunk 17 year old girl and even though two witnesses came forward the DA said there wasn't sufficient evidence to prosecute.  I know that witnesses aren't exactly reliable.  They forget, they bring their own biases to the case, and often they don't see the whole story just a piece of it.  But when a 17 year old girl is passed out in a room with vomit on her face and a group of guys are having their way with her I think there should be enough there for a case.  At the very least a statutory rape case.  After all it was the MENS basketball team and at 17 she was underage.  

I can understand that the DA was a bit timid to prosecute.  No DA in this country wants another Duke case.  That case just strengthens the need for passing laws to prosecute girls who lie about being raped.  I hate to say it but there are a number of times when girls have lied about being raped and they need to be prosecuted for their actions.  It is hurtful to the people they wrongfully accuse, but worse it is just plain cruel to those who have actually been a victim of rape.  Every time a girl lies about rape it makes it harder for real victims to find justice.  It's hard enough for victims to come forward but now they have to face a court who thinks that they are lying.  

There needs to be stronger laws against those who lie about rape.  It's tragic that we've gotten to a point where there is so much doubt about victim's integrity that DAs are too timid to prosecute in a clear cut rape case. 

Ok graduation was a crazy time.  First I had teachers that assigned homework up until the last day plus i had to work.  Then when school finally ends there was a ton of stuff that the senior class had to get together for.  Between graduation rehearsal, senior pranks, work,  the senior slideshow party, I was hardly ever home all week.  Plus everyone had their graduation parties on the same two days so I had to party hop to one party after another.  It was crazy but i loved it.  i got to spend a fun week with my friends before we all go off on vacation and then eventually college.  it's nice to feel grown up-we are graduating after all- but still be sheltered because we were still technically seniors.

Then graduation came.  I spent my whole school career working towards that thirty second walk across the stage.  It was fun, but now that it's all over I am exhausted.  I'm left with college paperwork to fill out, a boring job, and a pile of thank you cards i have to write.  I'm tired and slightly sad.  I miss the hectic schedule i had during graduation.  but i guess things will get pretty crazy again when i start college in the fall.   

Yes. I am finally through with high school.  This morning all the seniors parked in the teachers' spaces so they couldn't park, and we listened to Bowling for Soup's "High School Never Ends."  I find irony funny so I loved it.  I never have to come back to high school ever again.  I'm so happy.